Scintillation Work #10: "first love, the finale - charmolypi"

Scintillation Work 10

Title: first love, the finale - charmolypi

Author: delgado novicio

Artist: Bianca Viduya

~

you took a lot from me.

my sanity, my joy, my will to go on, and even my whole being.

you were my nirvana, and with you gone, i was going through a withdrawal.

i was full of ambition, bright like a lightbulb.

then one day, you left and turned out my light.

i wanted to believe that i was strong, yet every day i grew weaker and weaker.

tears turned into rivers,

sobs turned into screams,

dreams turned into nightmares,

yellow turned to gray

and joy turned to melancholy.

night after night, i twisted and turned.

was i not good enough for you?

the night you left replays in my mind like a record on loop. 

the love in my heart bled out, and ever since, all i do is look at walls and where i went wrong.

i know for a fact, that i loved you more than you loved me.

i loved you with every breath i took,

every poem i wrote,

every flower i plucked,

and every star i wished upon.

i loved you so much, i forgot to leave some for myself.

i never knew so much love yet at the same time so much agony, until you stepped into my life.

it took a long time, but one day,

i had to accept that you weren’t going to come back,

to stop waiting for the impossible to happen,

to stop imagining that you would love me the way i loved you,

to stop wishing for you to be my rose in a mind-field of bombs.

i had to let you go.

i had to find the pieces of my soul.

i had to retrace my steps.

i needed to finally look at myself in the mirror and say,

“I forgive you”

~

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